Sweet Yet Sour

Top 5 Cubicle Pet Peeves

Monday, January 14th, 2008 | The Daily Special | 3 Comments

I, and I assume most of America, hate working in a cubicle.  Most of the time I can just suck it up and deal with it, but I think because my cube neighbor is performing my number one cubicle pet peeve I feel the need to vent. I’m feeling a little Dilberty today, so beware…

5. Nose-picking/snot flicking.  – Those of us who share cubicle world with you are not interested in your nasal investigations or watching you spread the results all over your cube.  This is in part because you seem to have bad aim and in general snot seems to defy physical laws of trajectory.  If you can’t exactly specify where it’s going to go, don’t pick it and don’t flick it in your work area. 

4. Talking loudly on the phone.  – Your problems are important to me, really, but if you’re going to discuss your personal life so loudly that we all have to hear about it, at least do it on speaker so that we can hear the doctor’s response when you say things like: “The rash went away, but I still feel the burning.”

3. Participating in conference calls at your desk with the phone on speaker.  – In contrast to your personal problems, I do not care about your work or the work of people with whom you have to be on a conference call.  Find a conference room where all of us can wander by and make faces at you through the windows while you lean over the phone and say earth-shattering things like “I agree with Bob”.

2. Loud slurping of your drink/soup/miscellaneous liquid.  – I think it’s great that you’re keeping yourself hydrated/caffeinated at work so that you can stay awake to surf the Internet, but I don’t need to hear you making your “I’m a little shop vacuum” impression.

And my number 1 cubicle pet peeve:

1. Clipping your fingernails in your cubicle.  I cringe when I hear this noise; it means that there are little fingernail clippings going everywhere and they might be coming into my cubicle.  Your nail clippings, and whatever is underneath them, should be kept at home.  This is not CSI, where I might have fun looking at what or whom you’ve been scratching underneath the microscope, but instead a workplace where personal hygiene should be done prior to entering your cubicle.

Questions to be Answered – 2008

Thursday, January 10th, 2008 | The Daily Special | 5 Comments

I’ve decided to take a different tactic on the whole “New Year’s Resolution” thing.  I generally don’t make those anyway, since I feel like it’s frivolous to make goals like “loose 20 pounds” when I know myself well enough to know I can’t even stick to the grocery list, let alone a list of things that I have to complete in a year.  I could try “stick to the grocery list” as a resolution, but it’s not going to happen; I’m going to hit the store when I’m hungry and pretty soon there will be three bags of chips and some Boursin in the cart before I know what hit me. 

So, what I have decided to do is create a list of “Questions to be Answered” for the year.  It will be like goals, but I think it will be easier and far less guilt causing if I don’t get them answered.

So here goes; here are my “Questions to be Answered 2008″:

1. What is with the hand grenade decal on people’s cars?  – I see these everywhere here and it just makes me wonder.  I looked it up and figured out that there is a snowboard gear company called “Grenade”, but is this really why people are putting that on their cars, or is there some other “I love the bomb” thing implied?  This will probably require some field research.

2. Can I go for an entire week without chocolate and not kill anyone in the process?  - In order to complete this answer will I need to lock myself in a room and not see anyone for that whole week?

3. What is it really like to give birth to a baby?  – I have no choice on answering this one at this point; it’s unavoidable, but maybe if I take a “this is research” approach to it maybe I can stop being so afraid of what is coming. 

4.  Is it possible that this semi-chauvinistic country can elect a woman president?  – Seriously, how backwards are we that this is still not done in 2008?  We are so behind Europe that we look like a bunch of Neanderthals…

5. Is it possible that this semi-racist country can elect a black man president? – Can we make this huge leap? I don’t know – there are still so many racist, ignorant people in this country that it truly worries me whether it can be done, and if it is done, will it be dangerous for him?

6. Can I learn to knit and successfully complete a scarf that does not look like it was knitted by a crazy person?  – I tried learning from a book, only to figure out that I can’t even master the “cast-on” part from a book.  But I would like to learn; it’s so much more portable than weaving and it would use all that lovely yarn I have that I have never had the energy to put on my loom.

7. Is it possible for me to ever be able to beat Mike in Scrabble?  Will he need to be sedated for me to win? Maybe I can win if we play the day that he gets his wisdom teeth out?

8. Will I miss my job and the satisfaction that I get from it when I’m not working? Or will I be so happy at home with the baby that I don’t need to feel the rush of finding a huge defect that no one else has found?

9.  What does it take to make my greyhound smile?  – I hear that they do this and I’ve seen pictures, but I don’t think I’ve ever really seen Cash smile.  Do I have to give him a treat and simultaneously rub his butt and neck to get him to smile?

10.  Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? – I added this in for fun, because really, why not? My wool socks shrink every time I wash them.  I wish Dr. Science was still on NPR… 

That’s all I have for now, but the great thing about this list is that I can keep adding to it; perhaps there is more to come…